Setting high standards for yourself can drive you forward, but when those standards become unrelenting, they can feel more like a trap than a tool for success. People with unrelenting standards hold themselves to expectations they would never impose on others. They keep pushing for more, often without a clear idea of what “more” looks like, and whenever they reach a goal, they simply raise the bar again. It’s a cycle that leads to constant striving without a sense of completion or satisfaction.
If you recognise this in yourself, you might notice the toll it takes on your wellbeing. Unrelenting standards can lead to burnout, stress, and a feeling that you’re always falling short. Even your relationships may feel the impact, as those around you could perceive that “good” is never quite good enough.
To break this cycle, take a moment to consider the standards you hold for other things. You wouldn’t call a garden ugly because some of the flowers were missing petals. In fact, you probably wouldn’t even notice. Instead, you’d see the bigger picture: the sky, the trees, the colours and the smells.
When it comes to people, you likely support others with understanding and encourage them to aim high, but you’re also realistic and patient. Try extending the same perspective to yourself. Here are a few steps that can help:
- Define realistic goals: Rather than setting open-ended or vaguely perfect standards, set specific and achievable goals. Instead of “I’ll keep working until it’s flawless,” try “I’ll complete the report by Thursday and focus on accuracy and clarity.” By setting a specific end point, you create a standard that feels attainable and lets you recognise your accomplishments when you reach it.
- Consider whether you’d expect the same from others: If you wouldn’t impose a goal on a friend or colleague, it might be worth reconsidering it for yourself. This reflection can help you identify when your standards are too high.
- Visualise what “enough” looks like: Clearly defining what “done” means for each task or goal can help prevent the “just one more” mindset.
By adjusting your standards to something realistic and kind, you can reach your goals with greater fulfilment, balance, and wellbeing. The journey to lasting success starts by being as compassionate with yourself as you are with others.
Support through coaching can be a great way to interrupt the cycle of unrelenting standards. Together, we can define your goals and set realistic, fulfilling benchmarks that allow you to recognise your achievements without the pressure of constant striving. Connect with me in a free 30-minute session today.