As a coach, this is a scenario I see often:
A client enters the session, overwhelmed; stressed up to their eyeballs. They have too much work to do or feel incapacitated by a decision that is too hard to make.
Fight or flight has been triggered, the entire nervous system is dysregulated, and it feels awful. They need to figure out what to do, immediately. My best advice? Do not do anything until you get calm.
This advice can push against our instincts, because it asks us to put the looming task aside. We often feel we will only become calm once we have a plan, decide on our course of action, or complete the task/decision. So we push through, forcing ourselves to work in a heightened state, desperate to reach the end and the sense of relief. Unfortunately, pushing through often means we don’t get to experience that relief on the other side.
The power of the pause
It’s obvious, and we all know on an intellectual level that taking a moment before acting is generally considered best practice. But in the moment, our instincts fight us. It is important to recognise when this is happening, and be ready with techniques to intercept. Here are a few examples.
PQ Reps
Different regions of the brain are responsible for producing different thoughts and feelings. When you intentionally activate specific regions, you can tune into your wider awareness of the situation and best course of action. You also release endorphins, easing the effect of stress-induced cortisol.
- A PQ rep is a quick, intense focus on something tangible: a sound, sensation, smell, sight or taste.
- Rubbing two fingers together slowly, focusing on the feeling it creates.
- Looking intently at something, noticing every colour, shape and texture.
- Listening to the sounds around you, naming what you hear without judgement.
Writing
There’s a wide range of research that supports putting pen to paper as an effective stress-relief tool.
- Write out how you’re feeling to offload the emotion
- Write out the problem to map out concerns and see things from a wider perspective
Don’t try to problem-solve too quickly. Focus on describing how you feel and the situation.
Use a video or app to guide you
Following a video or recording is great for times when your thoughts are racing, and you need an external stimulus to redirect your focus. There are a million resources available online, from apps to guided YouTube videos.
- Have a few recordings that you know you like already on hand. Trying to search for the right exercise or a voice you don’t mind listening to in the height of your stress will only add to the overwhelm, so take the time to save yourself a couple of options when you’re feeling calm.
Move (Go for a walk, dance to a single song, or jump up and down)
Stress has a physical impact on our bodies. When it’s triggered, we might feel tightening muscles, a dry mouth, rising blood pressure, increased heart-rate and breathing or sweating. It’s the body’s way of gearing up towards protective action: do we need to fight, or run? Allowing a physical release of this build up can help us reset.
- Get your body moving for a few minutes. Dancing to a song you like has added mental benefits on top of the physical, but even just jumping up and down or going for a walk can help.
There are endless lists of techniques you can use to pause and restore calm. Some may work better for some situations, but not for others. It’s important to have a few strategies on hand so your brain doesn’t have to do any heavy decision-making in the moment. Choosing 1 out of 3 options that you’ve decided on in advance is much easier than the vagueness of needing to do ‘something.’
Take a moment to compile a couple of strategies you’ll use next time you feel overwhelm kick in, and commit to trying them for a few minutes before moving on.